Pink Eyes, Bloody Nose

Pink Eyes, Bloody Nose

I get cold sores, which I guess means I have Herpes. Most everyone has this type of Herpes, but only special people like me actually get symptoms. It’s the same thing with Mono. Everyone has it, but only the few experience symptoms. I tried to explain this to a boyfriend in college when I got […]

Resignation

Resignation

Dear Family, Please accept this letter as my two-weeks notice of resignation. The last day of our relationship will be Wednesday, July 4, 2012. While I have been moderately satisfied as a Henderson family member, I have decided to make this move to advance my career as a sane human being. I have often enjoyed […]

Proud Moments in Adulthood: Fast Food

Proud Moments in Adulthood: Fast Food

Yesterday I made pasta. I had forgotten where the pots were, but eventually I found them, covered in dust, and I went to work. The result was bland and uninspiring. My cat watched me cook, shocked by all this extra movement on my part. He’s used to food coming in paper and plastic containers. Having […]

Life Saver

Life Saver

The brakes on my 2000 Beetle decided to stop working. Well, technically it was the ABS system, so I could still drive but without making abrupt stops. You can’t drive in LA without making abrupt stops. So I had to take the thing in to see my mechanic at Lube Masters. Yes, that’s what they’re […]

Bra Shopping with My Mother

Bra Shopping with My Mother

I became a woman, so to speak, at age ten, and I felt like an alien species. No one else was going through that particular misery yet. Naturally, I tried to hide the fact that I was an alien. Back then, buying a bra was like a covert operation. I would breeze through the lingerie […]

Upside Down Backwards

Upside Down Backwards

I’ve become a tourist in my hometown, which is too bad because a favorite Santa Cruz pastime is making fun of tourists. I remember one summer a lot of tourists wore upside down, backwards visors, and we locals were particularly disgusted. Well, I’m not wearing an upside down, backwards visor, but there are things about […]