A Sizzler in Hollywood

A Sizzler in Hollywood

My people are not Sizzler people. Maybe this is why I have always coveted the place, treating it like an exotic locale with plasticky mac and cheese. We went there once when I was a child (maybe my dad had a coupon?) and I was sold. The idea of unlimited food can deeply warp a child’s […]

How I Survived The March 2014 LA Quakes

How I Survived The March 2014 LA Quakes

There were two earthquakes this March in Los Angeles. The first one woke me and my boyfriend Eric up at about 6:30am, and it felt like the big one–the earthquake I’ve been hearing about my whole Californian life. My poor boyfriend’s a recent Chicago transplant, so it’s up to me to terrify him and patronizingly […]

Commuting with Your Parents

Commuting with Your Parents

Every evening, as I start my commute home, I call my parents. It’s a nightly call that I blame on LA traffic because I’m uncomfortable admitting the truth–I am really close with my parents. I can’t help it. They’re really good company, so it took me until my late twenties to realize that being best […]

Characters Part 4

Characters Part 4

Part four in my collection of unintentionally hilarious or offensive casting notices. Welcome to the miserable world of the actor.

Characters Part 3

Characters Part 3

All of these are from real audition notices. Welcome to my world: Actresses, must be comfortable with: Wearing sexy golf attire, swinging a club confidently, driving a golf cart down the fairway. Sexy golf attire? CANDY – 25-33, any ethnicity. A local Los Angeles stripper, she’s Jacks love interest. Raised by her grandparents Candy left home […]

Characters Part 2

Characters Part 2

My collection of unintentionally funny job descriptions for actresses. Everything is as I found it. “Blonde Barbie killer. Kate is a serial killer and is trying to find an emotional connection to feel apart of society by narrowing down her possible Prince Charming.” “19, a coffee barista who works at the local coffee shop. He/She […]