Things Parents Will Say When You Sit on Their Couch

Mom: Shouldn’t you be writing a movie or something?

Dad: Don’t go to sleep this early.

Dad: Your brother’s barking at the back door…

Mom: Did you want to take that walk or are you still vegetating?

Mom: You’re over me, right? I can leave now?

Dad: I stop myself after three bowls of rice chips. I’m not allergic to rice. Just all other carbohydrates and seasonings.

Mom: We can go to Stinson Beach depending on when we put the cat to sleep.

Mom: Here’s tea. I know you didn’t want it, but here’s some Oolong.

Dad: Well, looks like you’ll be thirty when you have to face a Republican controlled government.

Dad and Mom: Have you been through the boxes in your room?

Dad: You’ve got a lot of nerve. I’m going to blog about you!

Dad: Haven’t we seen this movie already?

Dad: I assumed you wouldn’t want to watch it because of the subtitles.

Mom: Nothing too violent. Oh god, he’s got a gun!

Dad: Just pick something!

Mom: Look the grown child is here.

Dad: She’s hardly ever here.

Mom: But she leaves on Tuesday.

Sad pause.

Mom: Should we have Mexican for dinner? You know they don’t do phone orders anymore.



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