Characters Part 2

My collection of unintentionally funny job descriptions for actresses. Everything is as I found it.

“Blonde Barbie killer. Kate is a serial killer and is trying to find an emotional connection to feel apart of society by narrowing down her possible Prince Charming.”

“19, a coffee barista who works at the local coffee shop. He/She is brutally beaten to death.”

“Michelle is the classic naturally beautiful girl who is intelligent, thoughtful, kind, and extremely warm. She is average in height and weight, curvy, and **well endowed (DD or larger). MUST HAVE THIS BODY TYPE!** In regards to her demeanor, she is ethereal to the point of almost being angelic. She is the ultimate romantic and possesses a refined elegance that is very captivating. Her biggest character flaw is she is easily depressed. Think a young Christina Hendricks.”

“Red Head, 5’6″ to 5’11”, late 20s to early 30s, physically fit, martial arts helpful but not essential, nudity required.Rene is a nurse in the Peace Corps. She comes from an upper middle class family. Rene is confident in her looks but lacks the necessary street smarts. She is stranded on a deserted island when her hospital ship is attacked.” Martial arts helpful but not essential.

“PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER. Looking for teams of two people who don’t like each other; ex-spouses, co-workers, ex-friends, neighbors, etc… This duo will be interviewed together and separately for this project and if the project is picked up they will be at the top of the list for final casting. The actual show will include a competition for a large cash prize.” Good thing to do with the person you hate.

“The Skinny – Slightly overweight. Size 8-14. Actress MUST HAVE STRONG COMEDY SKILLS, this role requires a high level of comedy acting and the ability to improvise is a MUST. Actress MUST be able to deliver lines clearly at a very, very fast speed. Actress MUST be comfortable with her size. Think Bridget Jones.” Fat but not too fat, you know.

“FEMALE, Caucasian, Latin or African American, late 20’s-30’s. The nurse is changing Hectors’ IV when his left hand (the one he has no control over) reaches out and gropes her. Since no one has diagnosed Hector’s Alien Hand Syndrome, the nurse is immediately offended and reports Hector to his doctor. SUPPORTING” I submitted myself.

“[ LEPPERS ] Day-players. Must be comfortable with prosthetic makeup.”


  1. I hate skinny bitches, her dildo is fatter than her leg.

  2. Andrew says:

    This is ridiculous!

  3. bp says:

    It’s weird that I fit all of these descriptions, right?

  4. excellentnotion says:

    You do have what it takes to be an actress!

  1. […] more: Characters Part 1, and Part 2 Share this:FacebookEmailTwitterLike this:LikeBe the first to like […]

Leave a Reply to Characters Part 3 « Excellent Notion Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: