As I submit myself for acting jobs online, I come across some gems. Most of these character descriptions have no context, and they’re written as if you’re familiar with the project. The descriptions for the roles requiring nudity always say a lot about the producer, writer or director. Others are just ridiculous.
“Must be able to puppeteer a bird puppet.” Lizard puppeteers need not apply.
“Nervous. Over thinking and frantic, you are the X-Cite who was taken for re-configuration, but rejected it. You are the one who changes 331 into a thinker.” That’s helpful.
“Smart, sexy, “POWER OF NOW” living stripper. Obsessed with bicycles and the downside of globalization. NO Nudity. Strong comedy a must!” Seems like a cool role actually.
“Below average looking.” Few other professions force you to identify as “below average looking.”
“We are looking for someone male or female who is educated on the actions of leeches and human feeding. If you are unafraid of leeches and/or may have them as your pet, we would love to hear from you.” The actions of leeches.
“20-35, any ethnicity, strong improv, need not know how to cook or bake. Your breasts will be featured in every shot. This is a comedy so you must be okay with that. No Nudity or semi-nudity what so ever!” Baking with breasts.
“Good with emotions: He will visit fear, confusion, anger and revenge in this piece. Must also be athletic, lot of physical scenes. He is an everyday working guy pursuing his dreams of the arts. He has now been thrown into the unbelievable.” I hate when I visit fear.
“She is the oldest of the strippers (late 20s -early 30s). Still hot as hell, knows all the tricks and could teach the other girls a thing or twenty. She’s a bit garishly dressed, even for a stripper. Her hair teased a bit too high and maybe went too far on the dye. Has a playful, sassy sense of humor, yet the regulars love her…..LEAD (Any ethnicity) THIS ROLE REQUIRES NUDITY- This includes topless nudity in a strip scene (from Zombies vs. Strippers).” Still hot at 30.
“VANILLA: 18-25 is black, packed and stacked (from Zombies vs. Strippers).” Enough said.
I’ll keep posting new breakdowns as I find them. To be continued…