Tips for a Relatively Painless Facebook Breakup

Suddenly changing your relationship status from taken to single is a slap in the face. It can also seem like you’re announcing “Hey, I’m back on the market!” This is why you should never list your relationship status, but if in a haze of love, you two decided to go Facebook with your relationship, getting out of it should be part of your break-up negotiations. You have to discuss who gets the toaster and when to simultaneously announce the end of your relationship, to all your friends and family, via the book of shame.

DO NOT DE-FRIEND or BLOCK your ex. This is petty, and they will find out because any good ex will stalk you anonymously online. Also, a year from now, when they feel really bad about breaking up with you, Facebook will be how they put their tail between their legs and try to re-start a friendship. Also if you’re feeling vengeful, the more painful punishment is to let them watch how happy you are and how attractive your new lover is.

Don’t un-tag or delete your couple’s photos unless you’ve negotiated this during the break-up. Otherwise it effectively looks like you want everyone to know you’re single and you’re trying to erase your ex completely. Plus, eventually you may want to wax nostalgic.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, don’t look at your ex’s Facebook page until there’s years between you and the relationship! I have watched people cry as they look through old Facebook albums. I have also silently perused my ex’s page, jealously looking for signs that he’s banging someone new. Guess what, it seems like everyone’s sleeping with everyone based on Facebook messages. That’s the nature of the beast, everything seems flirty and coy, and there’s no way to actually read body language for chemistry. Facebook is horrible for neurotics because everything is subjective, and you can just project your emotional shit everywhere!

In conclusion, Facebook presents a new frontier for human relationships, and there’s very little etiquette. It’s time we started acting like adults…even though we use Facebook.

1 Comment

  1. […] Tips for a Relatively Painless Facebook Break Up […]

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