With any luck I could soon be a re-enactor. A re-enactor reenacts bloody crimes or pivotal moments in a documentary. I could be on “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant,” a Discovery Health Channel show. The show is exactly what it sounds like. Women tell their horror stories, “I had a cramp and then bang, out came a baby.” For this episode they needed a redhead, so they called me in. In a particularly noticeable instance of “redism,” they thought I looked like the subject of the documentary only because of the color of my hair. She weighs two hundred pounds or more, but redheads all look the same. The voice message I got from the casting director acknowledged that I look differently, but they were looking for a younger version of the subject. I interpreted this as, “You are the Hollywood version of a two hundred pound woman.”
The audition would be improv based, but an outline of two scenes was provided. In one scene, Heather receives a birth-control implant and rejoices that she won’t get her period and doesn’t have to use another form off birth-control for five years. In the next scene, she’s buckled over in pain, screaming about food poisoning, but it’s not food poisoning. She’s going into labor. I researched labor pains and began imagining what that would feel like. Then I tried imagining what it would feel like to have someone tell me I was pregnant, right as I was about to give birth. This situation boggles the mind. I like to imagine that if my stomach grew a baby I would notice. If I weighed two hundred pounds, however, it might be a different story. The audition went well, and I’m building a relationship with this casting director. But I haven’t heard back, which frankly, is a relief.